When Beauty is Frustrating: Dreams & Things

Have you ever known you were meant to do something, but you were too afraid to pursue or could see absolutely no way to accomplish it? Well, I totally understand that. And probably a lot of people do. As you know, I’ve been singing the praises (not literally- ha.) recently of Ellie Holcomb, and her wonderful album, As Sure as the SunAnd apparently, she understands this feeling of inadequacy and fear when stepping out and doing that terrifying, great thing. In this article she shared on Facebook, she shares that,

“I’m so thankful that fear didn’t keep me from saying yes to what I sensed God was asking me to do, and it’s been amazing,” she said. I felt like, releasing a full-length record was like stepping off the edge of a cliff, but as with pretty much everything I do, I just lift my hands to the heavens and say, ‘What on Earth am I doing here, Lord?’ I may think I have no business being here, but God said to be here, so I’m going to do my very best.”

Whenever I read stories like this one, there is a burning urgency- a heart positively bursting with ache inside me-to do something. Really, to do The Thing that I’ve longed to for so many years. To finally see a big dream come to fruition. Or even just one of the smaller dreams! (Do you know what I mean?) I have a handful of dreams- really quite beautiful ones, if I do say so myself. I mean, they’re so lovely that if I could, I would totally list them on my Etsy shop. Because I bet you’d love to print them out and hang them in your kitchen next to your awesome Lily and Val print! I mean, just LOOK at this amazingness:

Click the pic to go to her Etsy shop!
Click the pic to go to her Etsy shop!

 And this…

Preach it, swirly letters. Preach it.
Preach it, swirly letters. Preach it.

Speaking of dreams and listing things on Etsy, I opened my very own Etsy shop this week!!! [Insert squealing-jumping-up-and-down-party-throwing-noise-making excitement here!!!] It’s called Ebenezer Designs, and you can find it by clicking here(If you followed the Reclaiming Abundance Project then some of it will look familiar to you… However, there are also cupcakes…)Ebenezer Designs 1 

Like with most things, I was afraid to open an Etsy shop… Why? I have no idea. Probably because it’s the unknown. And probably because there are SO MANY much more talented and polished artists out there. (See above. OBVI.) It’s downright intimidating! I was also kind of afraid to start a blog.

For one thing, I’m just not a diy-er, so no pretty, pin-able pictures of before & afters to click on! But I did start a blog after a year and a half of thinking about it, because I just couldn’t help myself! And that’s basically what pushed me to open Ebenezer Designs, too.

People have been telling me for a long time that I should do something like that with my artistic abilities. People have also asked where they can find songs I’ve written on iTunes. (No, they aren’t there, people.) And according to Ellie’s dad, that’s supposedly when you’re supposed to record an album. (I’m over here like, “Hey Brown Bannister! I will totally let you produce an album for me. I can pay you $5! Special price, only for you! Sound good?”) 

Of course, I write that paragraph, and then immediately want to delete it. Because it’s hard not to seem totally self-absorbed when you’re talking about all the stuff you create, etc. And I don’t want to be somebody who is wrapped up in their own little kingdom. And I definitely don’t want to SOUND like somebody who is wrapped up in their own little kingdom… I mean, appearances, people. (I know you all think I have it together, since I never blab about all my meltdowns or skip weeks of projects I’m working on or anything.) 

AND the voice in my head says, “Psh. You are toooootally not good enough to talk about any of this stuff. The Etsy shop alone is pushing it.” Of all those things, the dreams of doing something musical are so deep in my marrow, I feel like a crazy person whenever I try to talk about it. Therefore, I mostly don’t. But I’m trying to be braver now. So, here’s me saying, I have a dream! (But way less noble and daring than MLK Jr’s dream, obviously… More like this: 

 

Dreams are great and all, but ultimately, I always come back to the fact that dreams fulfilled won’t bring me complete satisfaction. The moment I start treating them that way is the moment they become idols in the temple of Me. That is an empty place to be.

 

I come back to surrender. How those deep, heart-aching passions and talents (whether meager or great) are nothing if God is not in them. I don’t want them to be nothing, but more than that, I desperately want to see how God can make them more than they are on their own.

 

I want to see him take some fish and some bread crust, and multiply it into a feast for a multitude! I mean, don’t you want that for your life, too?

So for now, I’m trying to be brave and share my little etsy shop with you. (If you go to the shop’s About page you can read the story behind the name, and how it’s a place *hopefully* for beauty with a purpose.) And I’m focusing on surrender. Which reminded me of this powerful quote by my friend, Wendy:

 

It’s the newest addition to Ebenezer Designs! (Click it to see the listing itself.) I hope it encourages you like it does me. Are you bravely pursuing a dream??? Feeling brave enough to share? (And if you have an Etsy shop, your advice is totally welcome!)

Btdubs, I linked up this post at the House of Hipsters linky party here.

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